I have been to Miami twice since May and needless to say BOTH times turned crazy. But everything is chaos when it comes to me. After all, I wouldn’t be Jayde without the attached chaos!
Beautiful white sandy beaches, lewdness, hotness, drunk/disorderly, and jail…. Where do I begin?
Let’s start with Miami:
I was invited back to Miami for a work trip and this time around I invited my obsession, my ex bf to dribble along. Four days and three nights we spent at Miami’s only gay hotel mingling and celebrating with the gays after the supreme court’s decision to legalize gay marriages. Four days and three nights we spent in bed fucking, fucking, horse playing, and of course fucking! Four blissful days and three incredible nights of his D in and all around my P- I swore I was in heaven!
Everything went according to plan as we indulged in amazing food porn, soaked in the blazing hot sun, and bitch watched for potential porking partners. At one point the sappy atmosphere filled with love and crap intoxicated my senses to the extent I even allowed my ex to deflower my rear! I never thought I would ever enjoy anal as much as I did. I never understood DP entirely until I got the finger in the puss and dick in the ass. Have to advise this is a must try for all you prudish skanks. If performed in the right manner….YOU’LL… FUCKING…LOVE IT! I would say I am slightly addicted now. (No pun intended)
Anyhow, the entire trip I did not have one drop of alcohol of any sort. Why? Because my ex has met the Devil of Belligerence (aka drunkenly Jayde) once before and refused to deal with my dumb ass drunk. To not ruin the trip or mood I opt to forgo any chances at fucking up. Well, that lasted all the way until I boarded the plane home.
I thought to myself, “I will have one or maybe two glasses of wine on the trip from Miami to Dallas. I should be sober enough to make my connecting flight to Houston! No big fucking deal!”
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Well, the entire flight was full and the two hour delay made a huge fuss out of all the passengers. The flight attendants started giving out complimentary alcoholic drinks. I had my one, maybe two glasses of wine on an empty stomach. The next thing I knew I was the life of the entire flight! I was mingling with the flight attendants and other passengers. Telling jokes and turning the back of the plane into a party. I was apparently even taking selfies with the aircraft crew and flirting with this hot ass female stewardess!
Everything was amazeballs until I woke up in jail…..
Yes, JAIL! Airport jail but nonetheless fucking jail.
I remember bits and pieces of the night. How I ended up in jail is unbeknownst to me still!
I awoke in a drunken daze covered in vomit reeking of leftover tuna salad not knowing where or what the fuck I was doing lying on a mat let alone who was cuddling me! I turned around to this thin and lanky, but breathtakingly beautiful blonde wrapped around me from limb to limb. I then looked around discombobulated to the cemented walls and two other inmates on each side of me and the blonde’s mat sleeping.
Dumbstruck I jolted upright belching out a loud “WHAT THE FUCK?!?!”
The blonde next to me, Margie, said in a calm and collected tone, “It’s okay sweetie. You are in the drunk tank. You came in crying, so I comforted you. I was cold so we cuddled for body heat!” I laughed at her response and replied, “I am patting myself on the back for not raping you somewhere in my drunken stupor!” Her response? “Well, I don’t know where my pantie is so…..” And we both laughed.
In later hours I managed to bail myself out, take a taxi to the airport terminal, and book a flight back to good ole Houston. I got picked up from the airport by my disappointed father and more pissed off mother. They dropped me off at work still reeking of dried up tuna vomit and worked until 7PM—like a BOSS!
When I got home I took a long and really hot bath and fell comatose for 14 hours. I have yet to speak of why I was in jail with my mother. I am scared shitless of her, but the time will come and possibly come soon…..
Until next time, stay lewd my friends!
Jayde Onyx Lei
Allen_Me asks: Whatever happened to the blonde’s panties?
Jayde: I have no clue man…However the few hours after I woke up and tried to piece together the remnants of the night I was thoroughly distracted by her vagina hanging out everywhere! Made jail not so bad this time around…..