She’s so buck toothed she could eat watermelon through a picket fence.
As useless as hen sh!t on a water pump handle.
Hotter than two rats screwing in a wool sock.
Slicker than deer guts on a door knob.
Make like a baby and HEAD out.
Colder that a brass toilet seat in the Yukon! …
In January! …
Out back in the outhouse!
Busier than a one-legged man in an ass kicking contest.
Grinning like a dog eating peanut butter out of a wire brush.
He was flopping like a fish on a line.
I’m off like a bride’s nightie!
I know from long experience that my men have all the artistic talent of a cluster of color-blind hedgehogs… in a bag.
She was an enchantress with more curves than a roller coaster who wore a leopard-skin mini-skirt that stuck to her voluptuous body like shrink-wrap to a rump roast.
That’s about as funny as a kick in the behind with a sharp-toed boot
Men are like Bananas…
The older they get, the less firm they are.
Men are like Blenders…
You need One, but you’re not quite sure why.
Men are like Chocolate Bars…
Sweet, smooth, & they usually head right for your hips.
You want horns, but you’re gonna die butt-headed
You can wish in one hand and shit in the other and see what hand fills up faster!
Me: Hey dad, you don’t look well. How do you feel?
Dad: Like 10 pounds of shit shoved into a 5 pound sack.
Don’t let the screen door hit ya where the Good Lord split ya!
He has more chins than a Chinese phone book.
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