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Hey All! I’ve been asked by the powers that be to tone down my language a bit, so today’s column will feature a newer, gentler Staci. We’re going to- Hey, wait, where are you going, I still give good advice, commmmeee baaaacccckkkk!!!!!
Image credit: wikihow
How do I groom properly? I’m a hairy guy and I know that look is not for everyone, but everywhere I turn I’m seeing conflicting views! Shave it all, shave the balls, don’t shave because you are a man not a baby. It looks bigger when you shave, leave some, leave a lot but not too much! And what about the rest of your body? I know when you’re in a relationship you can come to a grooming agreement but what about a single guy playing the field? – Harry in Portland
To shave or not to shave? With apologies to Mr. Shakespeare, that is the real question. Since everyone’s preferences are different, it’s obviously impossible to pick one look that appeals to everyone who could potentially see the whole shebang, but there are certain things you can do to help your odds. First of all, you want to be comfortable with your own look, so if anything I say makes you feel like you would be embarrassed to be naked in front of somebody, ignore it completely.
You don’t want something that’s difficult to upkeep so let’s rule out completely shaving everything. It’s a very specific look anyway and unless you’ve been doing it for a while you’re likely to end up looking all bristly and rug burned down there. Here’s what I suggest. At some point I imagine you’re probably hoping someone’s mouth will be in or around that area. Do you like finding a hair in your food? Neither will they. Trim back the hair around the base with scissors, don’t use a razor, but trim it fairly short. That’s where someone’s nose is going to end up and you don’t want any hairs creeping up their nostrils, plus it’s easier to clean. The key is to keep this area from spreading too far, the hair wants to spread, traveling down the thighs and spreading wide across the hips. That’s where you shave. Make that area your own private island. Pube island. Clean up the hairs that are spreading across your thighs and down your taint. Get rid of that taint hair guys! The only place you should allow the hair to travel is if you have a happy trail down from your stomach, then it’s not pube island anymore, more like a pube peninsula. But still, make it look nice and clean. Places to shave; the balls and those weird hairs that appear as if they are either growing out of the shaft itself or have just gotten so long that they are creeping up it. Get rid of those. As for the rest of you, if you have a nice, even, Burt Reynolds-esque fur layer across your chest and stomach, leave it be, plenty of people love that look. But if it’s weird and patchy, with those random wiry hairs growing sporadically, clean those up. Pluck them if you can, or at least shave them. I’m not getting into the facial hair debate, I’ve already lost too many friends to that conflict. But if you have it, make sure it’s clean and groomed. The key is to just look neat and presentable in your own skin. If you do that, you’ll be more confident, and nothing is sexier than that.
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One last thing. Guys, can you carry around like some dick wipes or something? I get that sometimes you end up in the heat of the moment and things are moving fast, or maybe you’re at someone else’s house without access to your personal grooming supplies, but seriously, there are products out there , similar to wet wipes but without alcohol, that you could slip into your wallet. If you sense things are starting to heat up, step into the bathroom for a minute and clean your damn selves up a bit! I know, I know, you showered before your date, you’re good for at least three or four days now right? No! Bad! I’m hitting you on the snout with a newspaper! The second you put on a pair of pants, your body actively starts conspiring against you to turn that whole area into a war zone. I don’t care if you were only in the club for an hour, or just grabbed a quick drink at the bar, your crotch is now at DEFCON 5 and anything you can do to help your partner out would be greatly appreciated. Good luck out there you wooly mammoth you.
Image credit: huffington post.
If you’re in an open relationship, is it okay to sleep with someone who is in a relationship that isn’t open? – Courtney, St. Louis
With open relationships seemingly on the rise, this is a question that is bound to come up a lot, so let’s settle this once and for all. To begin with, please, let’s remember, that unless you are holding a gun to someone’s head, you are not forcing anyone to do anything they don’t want to do. A person who wants to cheat is going to cheat, period. Sorry, but you are not some jezebel who seduced someone out of a completely happy home, and the onus of fidelity is on that person. With all that being said however, it’s still not a good idea. My reasons for this are not moral, but practical. Whether you like it or not, there are more people involved here than just you.
While it’s hard to say to someone in an open relationship “Just follow the golden rule, do unto others as you would have them do unto you.” because presumably you would be okay with your partner sleeping with someone else, the fact is, I’m sure your open relationship has some ground rules. How would you feel if your partner violated one of those rules? Every relationship has its own set of rules they live by, and while it’s not the responsibility of an outside party to enforce those rules, it’s not a great idea to knowingly help someone violate them as well. I’m not responsible for making sure no one shoplifts at a store either but I shouldn’t distract the security guard while I know someone else is doing it.
Here’s the deal. What does your open relationship entail? Are you and your partner allowed to seek sex outside of the marriage, or love as well? If it’s sex, there are plenty of single people out there who would love some no strings attached fun. You’re open! You’re allowed to be as free as you want in your sexuality and who you give it to, why waste time giving it to someone that may lead you to feelings of guilt later, or put you in a potentially harmful or dangerous situation if that person’s spouse ever found out? The idea of an open relationship is to allow yourself to be free enough to explore all aspects of your sexuality, why hem yourself in by someone else’s relationship boundaries? If you are seeking love outside of your relationship, move on. I know, I get it, the heart wants what the heart wants, but a married monogamous person is never going to be able to give you the kind of love that matches the amount you can return. While I’m not saying these things need to be equal, it will, in most instances, lead to heartache.
Lastly, let’s concentrate on the partners here for a minute. Your partner, for all intents and purposes has now become an unwitting accomplice in your actions. Let’s say the cheater’s spouse finds out and does something rash. Not only have you allowed yourself to be placed in a potentially harmful situation, but also your partner, kids, or whatever you define as a family are now potentially facing someone else’s ire. In addition, if your relationship is open and you are allowed to sleep with multiple partners, you have opened yourself up to the possibility of STIs, no matter how careful you are. While your partner and you have presumably discussed this as a possibility and have chosen to proceed, and while even the cheating partner may understand that this is a possibility, the unfaithful partner’s spouse did not sign up for this. It is not fair to place a person in a potentially dangerous situation that they are unaware they are even in. So while I won’t sit here and try to argue the morality of your actions, I will say this. Practically speaking, it’s just not worth it.
Whew. I did it! Made it through the entire column without a single curse word. That was easy, I’m just a little twitchy, just kinda. . .need. To… let…it…out. Oh, oh god no, here it comes! FUUUUUUUUUUU—