Monday , July 22 2019
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Adventures With Jayde: Blame It On Yoga

As a beginner yoga patron muscles in my shoulders, neck, as well as my lower back were tense and sore from all the strenuous stretching.

By day three of yoga I was really, really sore.  I decided to call it a night and just masturbate myself into a blitz. I had to catch an early morning flight to Chicago for work.

I got through my first orgasm fairly quickly as I hadn’t rubbed one out in quite sometime (two days).  I wasn’t satisfied. I decided to switch up the porn to something more DPish.  I had one hand grasping my phone\porn and the other down in my nether regions. Before I dove into mission O2 I repositioned my neck. Well this was about the most careless load of crap move I had made since getting drunk on a plane…

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Instantly I heard a snap and an intense rush of pain swept over the entire left side of my body. I grunted loudly in pain and seconds later found myself paralyzed.

Fingers still situated in the petting position on my cat with the opposite hand now gripping my phone in complete agony. I decided it was probably best to give up and just lie there until the pain subsided. I ended up passing out from the pain only to wake up to my worrisome parents banging on my bedroom door wondering if I was okay because I hadn’t left to catch my flight.

Disgruntled I screamed to them through my locked door that I must’ve broken something doing yoga and that I was just going to lie there until I was not in so much pain.

My Asian mother knocked four more times and tried to get me to unlock my bedroom door. I shut that shit down quick and yelled, “Mother! I am naked and seriously paralyzed right now!!!”

My mother’s response? “Who sleeps without their clothes!?”

Well, obviously I do….

Anyhow, I laid there for a few hours before my mom blew up my phone demanding I go to the ER . I knew the ER would only give me an X-ray which only shows broken bones and very limited soft tissue damage. What I needed was an MRI. I was damn sure I had ripped the tendon on my left rotator cuff straight off the bone.

I called my friend who is a physician and begged him for a referral for an MRI. To my surprise (not really), I tore the tendon….which in fact requires surgery…..ALL from fucking masturbation!!!

Needless to say my friend, the physician, laughed at me so hard he almost pissed his pants. He referred me to an orthopedic surgeon and mentioned that she happened to be a hot, natural red head AND a lesbian!

Hmmmm….. smart, beautiful AND a red head?! I made the appointment for the very next afternoon so let’s see how this pans out. I loves me a challenge!

To be continued……

Yours Lewdly,

Jayde Onyx Lei

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  1. A damn funny, but sad tale. Masturbation should not lead to injury!

  2. I like the way Jayde writes. Also like the way she looks! Just gorgeous

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