How come the best lifestyles are the hardest to keep?
How come all of the bad lifestyles come as a second nature to everybody and the hard lifestyles are the most rewarding?
I think that life is too easy if you do not have to struggle. Everyone has different struggles. At some point in your life you will meet someone with similar struggles and this is how we make life long friendships.
Right now I am finding that my main struggles are love and being loved. I can’t exactly expect anybody to whole heartedly accept my life and all I do. Anybody in their right mind would tell me to go piss up a rope. “You want me to love you and be okay with you sleeping with other men?” It takes a very strong individual and a very secure man to deal with what I do for a living. This is both something I have to instill in him and something he has to already have learned from his life’s journey.
This is the love of my life. The reason I do believe there is a God and the reason I believe family is the root of happiness. My nephew Tyler.
I do know that work is just work and all though it may look intimate, it is a paycheck. Not everyone can do what I do. When dealt the cards I was in life I had two choices. Kill myself and take the easy way out or play the hand I was dealt. It is the hardest battle, but I have a great poker face when it comes to life. Nobody knows I have a flop hand and they are all folding when I am winning with the worst cards in the deck. I wanted a different life for myself, yes. What we want is not always what is good for us either. I am making the best of my situation and now I am finding it hard to figure out my career path after working in this industry. Every business I start seems to be a little more involved than I can be at that moment. My business partners tend to get a sense of entitlement and ultimately screwing me over. If there is one thing I have learned is that money does change people. Especially if they do not come from money. I am not saying I am a breed of my own, but I do not change for anything. I stay the same stubborn, kind-hearted, loving person until I just can’t handle the pain anymore and then I move onward and upward. Being an outgoing, optimistic person is a way of life. I choose happiness to fill my body and everything I do. Those that want to be negative will get only that and never know what it is like to struggle. I feel that the struggle is what keeps me going. Always wanting to have a better day than the last, doing good deeds, helping others with my physical being and not money is so freaking rewarding. It puts a smile on my face and makes it easier to deal with my lack of family and loved ones.
If I know the only family I will truly have is the one I create, why have I waited so long to create it? Maybe I am just afraid of bringing anyone into my chaotic world. Death is a frequent visitor in my life often taking the ones I love. Maybe I am shattering myself from it happening even more.
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As Isaac Asimov would say, “Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It’s the transition that is troublesome.”
In many ways this is the story of my life. With no inspiration, motivation, or even a peer to look up to I had to choose life or death as my destiny. Choosing the not so stiff path I made a decision to get the most out of my life. Moving from a life that would have put me six feet under and starting a life that would make me my own successor was the hardest transition. However, there is no life after death, so I need to live life to it’s fullest.
Moral of the this story is I am at a crossroads right now and I am just going to hope for the best, keep my head up, and my options open. When we aren’t looking for things they usually fall in our lap!
Love and Light,
Always and 4 Eva Notty
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