Tuesday , June 18 2019
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Poetry of Pain – Hello Pain!

The Journey—Step 1- Hello PAIN

Hauled in by my friends from the court, still sweaty, still in my uniform hair still tussled in a player’s ponytail; time really meant nothing. I guess I was admitted, I think maybe I signed forms, people talked to me…. I didn’t hear.


Eventually into a room.

Doctors and nurses moved all around me like little worker bees at a nest in summer. Coming and going from my hospital bed. Coming and going. Coming and going.
Some came in and looked at my legs, some came in with charts and x-rays, some came in and spoke… still I heard nothing. Some just came in and smiled like they knew something I didn’t, pity not quite well enough masked.

It was just a motion of blur.
I sat in the bed – staring at my foot.
Willing it to stop looking so hideous. Willing the pain to stop.


I had this thumping pain bounding around my ankle like the beat of some fast paced song.
Throb. Throb. Throb. Throb. Lightning bolt electronica, an endless  needle to bone.
I felt that if I stared hard enough I could stop it. I could will it to end.
In reality. I was kidding myself.
This was just the start.

Eventually I was discharged with several instructions on what to do and what not to do.
I was interacting at this point, not much, mostly nods and murmuring grunts, just so they would think I was listening. I didn’t say much.



Just stared at my foot as I teetered around on crutches.
Bandages upon dressing upon bandages adorned not only my ankle but half way up my leg.
Like a little marshmallow on a stick.

I can’t begin to describe the enormous amount of questions kicking around in my mind but I just couldn’t formulate a sentence. Reaching for a light switch in a black room. Pawing in the dark.


Off I went.

It was 2 a.m. by the time I eventually reached home.
I was a little dopey from exhaustion and the pain killers so I flopped myself into bed.
I lay there for a while, thump thump, thump, thump went the pain. The glitterball disco on full tilt.
Maybe it was the pills, maybe just exhaustion, probably just plain surrender but afterawhile it sorta became soothing, a mute tide out a coastal window far off, a felt drone. I eventually fell asleep.

When I awoke – I’m not sure if it was wishful thinking or just denial but I wasn’t thinking about the accident.
It seemed like it hadn’t happened. As if it was only a bad dream.
Those fleeting seconds of joy were demolished instantly when I carelessly went to pop out of bed.

Well hello reality.

There it was in all it’s unglory and pain. My manky ankle. This was no dream. It was my new reality.

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