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So You Want To Date A Hi-Fi Girl?

Here’s why she’ll always be late and you’ll always be footing the bill.
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There’s something about a high maintenance girl, aside from being impeccably polished, that makes you turn your head. It may be the confidence they exude or good breeding or a combination of both. I don’t know, I’m not going to guess. I’d much rather gawk.

However, is all as pristine as the nails of a hi-fi (a.k.a high maintenance) girl when you’re in a relationship with her?

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Your uptown girl will definitely be wonderful to look at. She may even have several degrees under her belt and a wonderful career or burgeoning inheritance, but your relationship will be led by two things: bad timing and dinner bills.

By breaking down the routine of a hi-fi girl, you’ll see why she’ll always be late and you’ll always be footing the bill.

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The early bird

Needs a least two hours to be ready for a public sighting.

Yes, the various spas and health camps she has visited has taught her that there is such thing as a morning break down. This break down consists of three stages: “upon waking”, “breakfast” and “upon leaving.”

Upon waking is a morning ritual that includes chanting blessings the minute her pedicured feet touch the carpet, followed by warm water with lemon and perhaps a few yoga poses before exercise. Tired yet? There’s more.

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After soaking muesli or activating almonds, one gets a chance to eat “breakfast” before scrambling off to the bathroom and showering, applying a plethora of body balm, face creams and serums, plucking and tweezing, makeup and curling or straightening hair.

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The outfit was already picked the night before. That way Miss hi-fi knows what “lip” to wear.

Upon leaving, she’ll take a few photos to make sure that others will see what she sees when she looks in the mirror. A spritz of french perfume will follow her throughout the day.

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Lo-fi girls will usually set their alarm, roll out of bed and pray there’s coffee to plunge. A toast and some cheerios in a bowl is eaten while putting on “what’s clean.” She’ll scrape a comb through her hair. It doesn’t matter if it wasn’t washed and set the night before. A bit of tint is slicked across her lips and she’ll gallop out the door.
Cost of hi-fi morning:

-1 x exercise outfit/exercise equipment

-1 x Organic food/ activated almonds

-1 x Cleanser, toner, serum, face cream, eye cream, foot balm, body cream, hand cream.

-1 x Primer, foundation, concealer, contouring kit, blush, eye brow shaper, eye shadow, eye lash curler, fake lashes, shimmer stick, mascara, eye liner….

-1 x Hair protector spray, volumising spray, curling iron or straightener, shaping products, hairspray.

-1 x Designer outfit (to be worn once or mixed and match with other combinations).

-1 xFrench perfume

TOTAL – Ulcer forming.

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TIME SPENT: the length of a motion picture, if you’re lucky.

Cost of lo-fi morning:

-1 x Cheerios, milk, coffee.

The jumper was a gift from Aunty Morgan and she got the comb free from a magazine sleeve.

TOTAL – Could smash the piggy bank and have change.

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TIME SPENT: I don’t know. She doesn’t have a watch.

 Living large

And I don’t mean waist size.

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Image Credit: Refine Clinic

 A high maintenance girl’s week will be filled with appointments and treatments. Everything, from head to toe, needs to be maintained.

There’s trips to the hair dresser to refresh colour or opt for a change.

Over 25? She’ll be getting botox to “maintain” her youth.

There’s also facials and hair removal, teeth bleaching and cleaning. That’s a minimum.

She may also opt for eyelash implants, fillers to reduce smile lines, pore minimising treatments…

And I haven’t even started mentioning plastic surgery.

Moving along, we have that body to think about. There’s only so far a green smoothie will go.

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Image Credit: standard.co.uk 

That body is buffed, routinely trained and wrapped in algae. Some may opt have a little bit “removed” and a little bit more “added.”

Hands and feet are pampered and legs are waxed or lasered.

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She’ll be needing that spray-on tan, too.

Lo-fi’s? I think they eat lunch at lunch break?

Cost of hi-fi maintenance:

I can already feel your brain squelching between your ears so I best leave the break down out.

TOTAL: filing for bankruptcy.

TIME SPENT: Godot ain’t got nothin’ on you.

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Image Credit: Catastrophic theatre

Cost of lo-fi maintenance:

Like she said. She eats lunch. Take her to lunch!

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Image Credit: College Times

Nightlife 

No, the day isn’t over. In fact, the night has just begun.

I’m not going to put you through the entire ritual as I’m sure you’d be as tired reading it as I’d be writing it.
I mean, outfit choices, styling, pampering. Lord have mercy.

The ritual has seen many a man wanting to pack it in. Just ask this guy who sought advice from agony aunt, Rosanna Davies, after his partners regime almost led him to end the relationship.

Lo-fis would definitely want to shake things up with a little maintenance but they don’t shine a torch on the depths a hi-fi can go to. You’ll still be waiting for Friday night’s dinner, Tuesday week.

TOTAL: She better have one hell of an inheritance coming her way.

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TIME SPENT: Ben-Hur will look like an interval.

So you see, lads, it takes a lot more than meets the eye to date hi-fi. And if you’re willing to pay for dinners and learn the art of waiting, endlessly, you might also want to learn the art of compassion. She does it for her and for you.

Though, secretly, I’m sure every hi-fi woman would love to for once, just once, have a night off and split a bowl of full-fat ice-cream with you in her sweats, on the couch…

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Don’t tell her I told you, though.

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