Wednesday , July 17 2019
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Tag Archives: stories

Curiously Gay Hotel

A Stumbling Otis Original We were young, poor and had done our very best to pay for our own wedding, so the gift was perfect. The gift was a honeymoon. It came wrapped in a Hallmark envelop from my bride’s father and step-mom. The card said, “This coupon good for three nights on the water in Laguna Beach”. Fucking beautiful, we were tapped out so until then our honeymoon looked like box wine and filthy, bedroom sex. “Filthy, bedroom sex” being a classic double entendre: as our bedroom is typically filthy, and this being our honeymoon….well. Figure it out. We had survived a week of last minute planning, out-of-town visitors, a drug-addled bachelor party (ok that was just me), an intimate “family” only wedding under ...

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Adventures With Jayde: Scoring In Miami

Hello Jayde here. Just back from a writing gig in Los loco Miami. Apparently it was a riot because I came back with a nasty rash all over my body and a fever I have been having the most difficult time getting over. But my stubborn ass refuses to go to the doctor for anything other than a severed limb.  So Miami: The cons. I am severely allergic to high doses of UV rays. This is why I am nocturnal. Well, I decided to sunbathe and fell asleep from the relaxing sounds of the ocean waves and slow blowing breeze. Even under an umbrella I ended up overheating and woke up in the ER from a heat stroke. Needless to say Miami left me with ...

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tart behind the cart photo

Tart Behind The Cart: Hello Goodbye

When you board an airplane there is usually a flight attendant there to greet and welcome you on board. Generally they are warm and inviting.  Do you respond? In my years of experience no you fucking don’t! I’m lucky if I get a smile or maybe a head nod. Do you think that I want to be standing up there welcoming your punk ass on board? No I would rather be in the corner texting or on social media. Second of all its rude. If somebody is saying hello to you and you don’t say hi back, rude!  If they ask how you are doing and you duck your head and look at your feet, rude!  Screw you! After the flight has been completed, you ...

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Adventures With Jayde: Bienvenidos!

Bienvenidos! It is your Jayde from Vietnam–not. I am American, born and raised Texan actually. My mother is a native Vietnamese and traditionally traditional. Therefore, when she asked me this past weekend to attend what would be a disastrous blind date I agreed–or was it? My mother typically loves men with power and money thus influential titles. I simply usually date nothing less only because they typically make me their bitch or dominate me so to speak. However, all of those relationships have horrid turnout rates; I end up mind fucking them into submission and realize they were never true alphas from the start. Anyhow, I jumped at the chance for free food and a sneak peek at what my mother deems worthy enough for ...

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Adventures With Jayde: Dr. Gingerbread

  Continued from Blame It On Yoga….. I got all dolled up and attended my appointment with doctor…lets call her “Gingerbread”, because she was a mighty sweet treat…..yum. When I arrived I sat in the waiting room for about twenty minutes filling out the proper paperwork until the Medical Assistant called me into an examination room. The MA (which was a hottie) took the usual blood pressure, temperature and weight before leaving. As I sat there waiting for my examination my mind began to fantasize about what she would look like.   I envisioned a hot, lesbian doctor in a very short, baby doll dress, overly done make-up, and curled purple locks. Another twenty minutes or so passed and in walked this petite, bomb shell ...

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Adventures With Jayde: Blame It On Yoga

As a beginner yoga patron muscles in my shoulders, neck, as well as my lower back were tense and sore from all the strenuous stretching. By day three of yoga I was really, really sore.  I decided to call it a night and just masturbate myself into a blitz. I had to catch an early morning flight to Chicago for work. I got through my first orgasm fairly quickly as I hadn’t rubbed one out in quite sometime (two days).  I wasn’t satisfied. I decided to switch up the porn to something more DPish.  I had one hand grasping my phone\porn and the other down in my nether regions. Before I dove into mission O2 I repositioned my neck. Well this was about the most ...

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Adventures With Jayde: Catfished

Jayde here. I decided to give Tinder another whirl and swiped right on this “nice” boy in Duncan, OK when I was visiting my sister during the fourth of July holiday week. Possibly the worst idea ever. Screw you Tinder. Anyhow, the story goes T and I got to know each other for a month before I decided to take a trip back to OK to visit him. He was this amazing investigator for the town he lived in. He lived off the golf course in the nicer part of town. He was tall, handsome, twenty-nine with a stable career and life. After all, this was something I always felt I needed…..right? Bloody wrong! The entire trip was a flippin nightmare!! Not only was I ...

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Skull smoking

Heaven, Hell, and the Dead!

A Stumbling Otis Original In May of 1995 the Grateful Dead played their last show in Las Vegas, Nevada. Four months later Jerry Garcia would die of a suspected cocaine-induced heart attack. Though the legacy echoes on, the death of Jerry Garcia was essentially the coffin nail to one of the greatest phenomenon of modern human history. Quite literally this tiny handful of hippie musicians tapped into an energy unrivaled and spurned a migration only comparable to the wildebeest herds of the Serengeti; this isn’t spinnerhead bullshit, the numbers are simply that large. Listen, you don’t have to like the Dead, you don’t have to get the Dead but despite your personal visions of the cosmic, everyone should respect the Grateful Dead. They earned it. ...

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Dennis’s Abrupt Halt–

A Stumbling Otis Original A Mostly True Tale — CELEBRITY ENCOUNTER EDITION We at the Thrill Society are constantly in search of things that dazzle people, ‘thrill’ them if that’s not too obvious. What we really want is to find that spark of excitement that engages YOU, our beloved viewer, to respond by submitting your own THRILLING sliver of the world.   Your voice, your photo, your footage, your words, your music— We think YOU are all THRILLING. Jep Roadie and other rappers have submitted their music videos, Caelia Might submits an almost weekly rant, Chef Danchez does a video cooking show, Crog Tierney submitted photos and video footage of kickass mountain bike riding, the Uncensored Stripper offered a revealing interview, the mysterious Rambling traveler teaches ...

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Vol. 2 – Breakfast of Champions

(Author’s dire warning: This post may confuse the hell out of you if you are one of the millions of lucky bastards who don’t have young children. Perhaps worse, you’re one of those goodie-goodie bang bangs who don’t let their kids watch TV, cartoons or irrelevant silver screen dribble over and over until their little minds are completely and uncompromisingly assimilated into the hive. Fuck you and Nickelodeon! (how did you end up on this goddamn website anyway?) You’ll remember from Vol. 1 that I am, in fact, a LAZY BITCH… Harken back to the dusty blinds and mad Soda Crush skills?? Well… Top definition of Lazy Bitch, according to Urban Dictionary™: Basically when your bitch is laying around doing nothing and dinner isn’t even ...

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Mostly True Tales on Thrill Society

I Lit My Balls On Fire Coach!

A Stumbling Otis Original   We were broke, bored and fifteen. It was the final weekend of a six month long wrestling season, by then we were beyond burnt, body and mind. As a finale to our self-induce torture we would be trapped either on a greyhound bus, a sporting arena, or a motel room for five straight days; who could be surprised this story ultimately can be reduced to a delicate interplay of fire and the groin. High school freshman often struggle to qualify for the state wrestling tournament, competition can be fierce, but in 1988 four gangly frosh boys from the thriving metropolis of Cut Bank, Montana made the cut. I haven’t asked any of these peoples permission to use their name, frankly ...

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fuck gout photo

Damn You Gout!

A Stumbling Otis Original Damn you Gout! An alcoholic’s battle against an affliction that threatens his disease! My old man was a good dude— hard working, light-humored and universally loved, wise and respected but of all the wondrous and life changing things he could have passed down to me…. Things like land with oil, Berkshire Hathaway stock or a 12” dick that dirty prick willed me a bad case of GOUT! Oh gout! Sometimes called gouty arthritis or the “rich man’s disease”; this devil’s lullaby is the accumulation of uric acid in the blood which form razor sharp crystals in the joints. It causes immediate, grotesque swelling and feels like long, lean, red-hot hat pins are being jabbed between the toes though the length of ...

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celebrity encounters photo


One calm nice night, I went to see a movie. I was innocently sitting there, eating my neighbor’s popcorn, watching the 2005 movie, “I WALK THE LINE” starring Joaquin Phoenix and Reese Witherspoon and about the early part of Johnny Cash’s life. A little known scene flashed on the big movie screen, and I thought I was going to faint. I know my heart stopped, and my tiny hairs stood up on the back of my neck. I lost all color in my face, and the feeling went out of my limbs. All I could think of was the next shot would be a close up of my childhood house. The scene was about midway through the movie. By that time in life and the ...

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Mostly True Tales Pic

So We Egged A Porn Shop!

This weeks Mostly True Tales submission winner is Stumbling Otis Find him on Instagram at @grandreopening for tons of great pics and prose  In the early 90’s there was a quaint little porn shack on the main drag in Kalispell, Montana. It was nondescript in a way typical for a boutiques of its type. The building looked to be a converted old house, slightly ramshackle and in need of a hug. The windows were painted over white to shield the Flathead’s citizenry from forced acknowledgment of their inherent horniness. Little more than a window placard and a slightly embarrassed, glowing OPEN sign advertised its invitation for commerce. There was no official parking lot, the front door swung directly onto the narrow sidewalk, almost past the ...

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mostly true tales photo

Shit Fit!

A Stumbling Otis Original  This took place a long, long time ago. I was about seven and I had a shit fit, at least that’s what my Dad called it.   A fucking bad day is what I called it. I was a farm boy. I grew up working, that’s why my parents had me; to do shit. After marriage they waited seven years, till the chores piled up, before Ma popped me in the oven. There was a plan, believe me. I was no accident of passion; no awkward, backseat hotshot. Anyway, it was hay season, late summer and hot. August soil thin as dirty flour stuck in every pore. The dry scratch of the dusty air was amplified by wheat chafe; it made ...

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