Thursday , October 18 2018
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Adventures With Jayde: Tinder = Love

If you live in the reality of generation XY and are single chances are you have most likely cuddled up by a nice scorching fire with a glass of wine and your trusty mobile device getting ready to swipe right or in my case left. Well, I have been swiping left for months now. Every third blue moon when the tide is high and the apes are mating I will find one match among the triple digits I would like to “court” or at least my pussy would want to sit on. Either which way I have found three in the span of eight months that I have willfully “sat” on. The first two I didn’t get “nasty” so to speak until the fourth or fifth time meeting with them. I made them work for this pussy. The sex was mediocre with number one. Number two I have to admit he did dick it to me fantastically, although he was ghastly far too large for me to even want to get near his horse size apparatus for quite a while. I love my pussy cat far too much to murder it so young.

I know, I know.. my kitty is elastic.  Even so I am far to lazy and self absorbed to feel the need to have to exercise my pussy with Kegels.

Anyhow, my point is I make men work for the pussy. At least feed me a few times. Intoxicate me a bunch of times. Tell me a shit load of jokes and then I usually decide to a magazine round of my fuckary or not. This last Tinder date began at noon and by 2:20 pm I was faced down getting banged from behind. HA! I honestly do not know what it was because the sushi was a merely edible. The White Russians were not nearly strong enough but I still blew him in the car and followed him ten minutes  from the restaurant to his house to get fucked. Which lasted about fifteen minutes before I was back in my car making my way to the market for some groceries.

I couldn’t tell you whether it was good or not. I acted primarily on primal instinct.  I needed to get fucked. He was persistent and he was probably lying his ass off when he told me it had been a long time since he had gotten fucked. However, either way it made me feel one of the two: a) pity fucking him or b) comfortable enough to want to be fucked by him.

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Massattack: You mentioned you swipe left most of the time. What makes you swipe right?

Me: Most guys have no comprehension that women love pretty, shiny and uber sparkly things. This includes a photo that screams “INTERESTING”. The photos I usually swipe right are 25% interesting photos and 75% bad ass bios. You could be so hot I jizz my pants at the mere sight of your face, but if you have no bio I won’t bother. I believe a quick bio says enough. I need to know about a person before determining whether I want to sit on his face or quickly swipe left.

Yours Lewdly,

Jayde Onyx Lei

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